Timberman

--This game was played on PC using keyboard controls.--

Your mission is simple. Pick an outfit. Chop the tree. Move before a branch kills you.

Timberman is an excellent exercise in hand eye coordination. The premise is simple enough for young kids to be able to play, yet the game is challenging enough to make it at least mildly interesting for any age group. There are only three buttons, one to chop the tree on the left, one to chop the tree on the right, and one to pause. If you just stand there without chopping, you will die. You must chop like your life depends on it! (because it does) When you chop, the tree becomes shorter bringing the branches down closer to you. If a branch contacts your head, it's sayonara. You have but one recourse... Switch to the other side quickly! Aaaaaand chop chop chop chop SWITCH! Chop chop SWITCH! Chop chop chop SWITCH! You get the idea.

Each chop is worth one point. The higher your score in one particular game before death-by-branch, and/or the higher your cumulative lifetime score, the more outfits and characters you can unlock. My personal favorites so far are between the dude in his underwear and Santa. I'm easy to please. *shrugs*

This game also has a multiplayer mode for up to 4 people... if you can fit them all on one keyboard. I suppose you could also plug in multiple keyboards, but each person would still need to stick to their own three buttons. In multiplayer mode, you must chop the tree faster and better than your opponent to survive, lest you become victim of the morbid sadistic tendencies of the game developers and the butt of your friends' jokes for weeks to come.

The graphics are 8-bit fabulous. It ain't about how the tree looks as long as it gets chopped fast. Curse the demanding efficiency of the timber industry!

The sound effect (yes, the one sound effect), is tedious and monotonous. The same goes for the music. The Mario franchise did MIDI well. Timberman not so much.

In conclusion, Timberman held my attention for approximately 10 minutes before being relegated to the dismal abyss of games soon to be forgotten. I can see how the more competitive folks among us might develop a vendetta against the malicious branches and hold out for longer, especially if they have multiple awards for fast moving fingers on the bedroom shelf. But as for me and mine, we'll find entertainment elsewhere.